Life lesson: when driving and throwing up, choose a paper bag over plastic. Fuck my life.
she burped and cried multiple times. it was like i was getting head from a baby.
I just made a 90's Nickelodeon TV theme song power hour mix...I don't want to build it up but your head might explode
Your drunken mistake is coming over to see if she wants to buy any of our furniture. I know youre desperate, but try not to fuck her, without a condom, for a fourth time, while shes there.
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Some one left their pants in the elevator.
Then he told me he was proud of me for remembering that i blew him that night.. Maybe my drinking is getting out of hand.
I keep reminding myself that my vagina isn't a homeless shelter.
There was a pirates of the caribbean marathon on. No matter how much you like rum, it is NOT possible to outdrink the pirates. They always win.
well... I just junk punched a carnie. Doesnt matter how, it still counts for my bucket list.
N.C. cops just used a megaphone to tell me I have a slutty outfit. My life is complete.
Star Trek does not adequately answer all the questions that I have about alien genitals
I CALLED IT A FRIENDSHIP. NOT A I WANT YOUR MAN PARTS IN MY LADY PARTS-SHIP.
He walked in on me banging his sister and said "you're both old enough to make you own decisions. Carry on"
Girl i am always here for you. But i am going to have sex now so im going to call you in the morning.
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