the entire time we were hooking up i couldn't stop thinking about the bengals. thoughts?
For the record I fully support drunken you in most social situations... Just not charity events.
Her dress is practically falling off. It must know I'm here.
Is snow just God skeeting all over the place??
Yes. Yes it is.
She asked the taxi driver to stop at the Texaco because she had to puke. She did then stumbled into the gas station and bought a 40.
I was just shot with a dart gun by one of my coworkers while walking to the printer. Ironically I was printing my resignation letter...
i think ive crossed the line from sexually frustrated to sexually furious
I'm just opting for alcohol abuse, ramen and cuddling with my dog for now.
His name was Kyle but I insisted on calling him baby Jesus all night and then we did a line and he bought me Taco Bell so idk
This strange Italian man told me he wants to take me for ice cream and kept calling me "tomato" from tinder
Caprisun cuts tequila surprisingly well...
I think all the guys I've fucked in my life would get along perfectly. They'd probably form an orchestra and travel the fucking world. That gives me the slightest feeling of consistency in life which is great.
Sarah just give sum homeless dude a lap dance, took like 2$ worth of change from his cup and was all like, "Biiitch, this aint free"..
If I ever say "I'm never drinking again" just hand me a bottle of jack. I'll snap out of it.
I woke up alone, naked in her bed staring at a lifesize poster of edward cullen,actually I'm lying I did have socks on
Randomize
