bella threw up all over the kitchen floor then looked at me, laughed, and walked away
isn't bella the cat???
that she is
Today in psych we learned that you are a whore.
Me specifically?
Yep.
She thinks she's a fairy, dude. A real fucking fairy with wings and shit.
he made his penis look like a sprinkler when he was coming. it was pretty cool actually.
Was it high me or sober me who put those Jolly Rancher sticks in the freezer? I'd be soooo impressed if it was high me.
There is a drunk marine passed out on my porch. Mandy wouldn't sleep with him, Can you please come remove him?
I dont know but I had two different hospital bands and half a pie when i woke up.
One day her vagina is just going to shrivel up and seal itself with it's self preservation mechanism
Just had an hour long talk with a woman, turns out she's the mom of the guy i lost my virginity to. Even better his dog was also present.. Meeting the family at its best?
So the dude who sold me my english book is the same guy who let me punch him in the face in exchange for a cig at a party a few weeks ago. small world huh ?
pretty sure tht was the guy who once went to the club dressed as waldo. he still looks weirdly fuckable.
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
DON'T YOU TELL ME I HAVE HERPES ON MY BIRTHDAY. THAT IS MOST DEFINITELY NOT A HAPPY BIRTHDAY.
Wait, how many people just saw my dick?
Don't come back. They don't have pants.
Oh god.
God has nothing to do with this.
Randomize
