im so horny i just used my electric toothbrush to masturbate. god help me
i am only reminding you that showing off your fellatio skills on vegetables is probably not an appropriate party trick
i think i just witnessed the elusive male walk of shame
All I remember was the chick screaming "don't hookup with him! His dick's the size of a cucumber"
We found him pissing on the sidewalk in his socks signing the national anthem. I love you summer.
Dude you didn't move for like 2 hours then suddenly sang the chorus to ghetto superstar and passed back out
Decided against hooking up with creepy stalker guy for a ride to work. I feel I've earned a few self respect points back.
I think our camping neighbours like us. We're the drunk girls trying to chop firewood with no pants on at 3 in the afternoon.
Nothing says "Good Morning" like Jell-o shots and coffee cakes.
She really has to stop the coke at some point. Won't she run out of money eventually?
Won't she run out of nose eventually?
Last thing I remember was a hand in the pants. Then I woke up next to a full beer and a McDouble, which I promptly had for breakfast.
Ladies, if you have recieved this text then you are one of the lucky few friends I have decided to make this proposal to. As you all know, my boyfriend's birthday is in two weeks and I have finally decided on the perfect present. Surprise threesome. Now, there can only be one, this isn't an orgy you know, so I will be rating the ideal candidates on bra size and sluttyness. Experiance will count, references if available. Inbox me your credentials so we can come to a...Satisfying agreement.
The only thing left on my Bucket List is getting fingered at an aquarium.
She showed me her tits outside Taco Bell....After she flashed the dude working there in an effort to get in.
just call my name and ill be there, if we are puking, beating up bitches, or pickin up men, OR avoiding wierd men, so many situations require a wingman
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