she's like "i'm so proud of u" ... and then i threw up on myself
Do you have any cake mix? I kind of need to make a "im sorry i drank all your parents tequila, threw up all over your floor and slept with you boyfriend" cake.
i can't put facebook on my resume under hobbies.
i found you on the dancefloor with your cell phone to your ear saying that you didn't like the music they played at the club so you were going to listen to your own
just saw 2 fat kids fight for the last slice of pizza. Litteraly fight. God Bless America
The question of "Will I eat a piece of curried chicken off the floor?" has been answered tonight.
I never thought I would say the free bottle of grey goose was the problem but it was
I may or may not have traded sexual favors for Disney on Ice tickets.
We were Chugging coronas for the soul purpose of launching limes out of the 3rd story window, I'd say it was a good weekend
Ok there's 63 pics of you jerking it on my camera from New Years. The time stamps say it took you 40 min to get there too. See a doc, your only 22.
I still feel like a bad person. A shoulder to cry on became a dick to suck.
Kid got so high from the brownies he forgot his own name. Welcome to college.
I want an apology pizza with SORRY IM A DOUCHE spelled out on it in pepperoni
You were petting a 40 year old man's moustache for 15 minutes
Goddamn it. Hes got me addicted to his penis
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