Don't come here someone got drunk and rolled the keg to buger king. no more beeer
I appreciate the offer. Swallowing pride is much like swallowing cum, difficult and unpleasant
Is it wrong that I want to take the baby bump in her facebook pictures as "meal-ticket"?
I've always wanted to pass out in a bathtub
I think most people do. Your only real mistake was turning the water on first.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Driving to get a preg test with my ex, wearing my unicorn hat
You are so not ready for motherhood
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
His roommate left already and took the beer pong table so we had to take off his bedroom door. Maybe res life won't notice.
It's times where you wake up in the hospital after trying to road surf that you wonder what you're doing in life.
I just had the stunning realization that I lost my virginity in a bunk bed.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Why are there so many fucking Lambchop puppets hidden around my house?!
I need to wear something that says I would have sex with you but I'm not going to
He didn't even get to the first chorus of Hotel California before he started convulsing on top of me.
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
I’m home.
I’m aware. I just dropped you off.
How does the curb feel today?
It's stronger than my elbow. But I found my lighter while I was down there.
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