Call me at 7:30 and make sure I'm not asleep in this booth at Waffle House.
I felt like a body pillow being humped by a twelve year old.
my dog ran away and came back with a marajuana plant. what are you doing tonight?
they're making a venn diagram comparing gummi bears against gummi worms...is this what i have to sit thru to get free weed????
she was mad because i didn't remember our fuckaversary. fuck buddies are getting too demanding..
She was surprised when she saw all our living room furniture was made from old kegs. It's like she's never met us before...
i dont even mind you always shaving my pubes when i pass out, i'm starting to find it liberating.
The milf did the body paint, come to the bar
Everything is just really out of control. I hear puking from three different parts of the house. Roger has black eye from being punched. Kaiser tried shaving his head, but somehow burned himself. Music is bumping, but everyone is either puking and calling out for help or blacked the fuck out.
I just ate a raisin that tasted like wine. Is this real life or is this my body trying to tell me it's Friday and I should be drinking right now?
I don't know what to think. Also, I decided to take a bath...sorry in advance if I flood the bathroom.
i’m just listening to christina aguilera’s “your body” on repeat and trying not to pass out at my desk.
I might be offended if you don't bang me tomorrow. You know, for America.
And you seriously thought you could just walk in naked with a bow tied around your penis?
It seemed like a good idea at the time...
I ate cake in bed. Felt great
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