i just used a pokemon card to do blow. i need an adult. now.
And don't be too jealous. Drinking alone watching a chick flick and masturbating isn't nearly as glamorous as it sounds
Just saw a picture of your new tub, cant wait to pee in it
At least he could have found a MILF, she's a dbl bagger. No wonder he goes to counseling.
Yeah..you can't spell Prozac without Zac(h).
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I just had to take a drug test for my new job. I should have asked them if they could tell me if I were pregnant or not while they were at it and save me the guesswork.
My vibrator challenges you to a duel.
I am getting drunk. And i'm going to paint my face and slide down the stairs like Pochahontas. Goodbye
He's asking if he can send a dick pic. How do I politely decline that?
He told me the color of his piss. Worst. First date. Ever.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Just because you can put your penis in it does not make it "good stuff".
I thought I was smashed last night but the girl trying to pee in the fridge had me beat. True story.
Blocking me on Facebook doesn't change the fact that you've had my penis in my mouth. So there's that.
You have set the bar insurmountably high with apple pie and buttsex.
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
He waved at a guy who drove by while we were having sex in the back of a rental car in a hospital parking garage prior to visiting family. Almost made me feel guilty but I liked it too much.
Randomize