I saw her while sober, and she is definately cut off from the penis ride
I mean can we take a second to high five on our sex life? I love us.
woke up with the bag of wine duct taped to my shoulder.
98% is good enough for me. Kinda like birth control. Worth the risk
There's some muscle relaxers in my bedside table. Sorry if my dildo is in the bathroom.
Sounds good! I plan on writing a book entitled: I've Probably Done Cocaine In Your Bathroom. A tell-all by Lauren.
My professor laid down on the floor and told us a story that involved being naked covered in Vaseline with a pumpkin on your head. No lie. This is going to be a great semester.
He is 30 (that's 8 years older than I am) and uses more Emojis than I do. Problem?
So after taking my shirt off, he pulls my bra off like a hockey jersey. FUCKIN PRO. Guy knew what he wanted.
She's lucky her pussy is worth listening to her ramble about bedroom furniture for 30 minutes
I don't want to go back to the suburbs. Being drunk in public isn't ok and theres too many children. Don't make me.
but if we have a President Trump come Tuesday, I might throw myself off the Walt Whitman Bridge so Thursday might not work for me after all.
Girl I'm contemplating picking up some adult diapers. That's how bad this is and it's only day 2.
He told me he would make me come so hard I would throw up. I'm actually horrified that he thinks that's something any person would want
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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