I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
I just used my med student white coat as ID to buy beer at 9 in the morning
The vodka told me to go iceskating on my frozen pool. I may have attempted.
No fucking idea. Just paid for my chipotle in chocolate coins, though. Either there is a huge language barrier happening here, or my big boobs are finally paying off.
I left him a voicemail saying i went through with the abortion and he texts me back one thing... the bbm "phew" face. really?
We couldn't get our shit together to go to the bar, so we're getting drunk and facebook stalking all the girls who have gotten fat since high school. Any names you wanna throw out?
Bring single women, or taken women who are unhappy with their relationships, or women who are happy with their relationships but have low moral standards, or women who just like to remove clothing when drunk (relationship status is unimportant for this option)
it was like lady and the tramp only with a jello shot on the pool table
On a lighter note, my mom and I were playing scattergories, and for "things that you keep hidden" we both put dildo. Proof that we really are related.
I just fist bumped God in my head for last night. What a bro.
I think all three of us just need to suck it up and go to lunch with him to keep our bar tab down
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
dude you pointed at my dad's crotch and said I'd tap that. I didn't even know you were gay.
it was a 'fall asleep on the bathroom floor after puking bc the cold tile is legit more comfortable than your bed' kind of night.
Why would you ask him if you could lick his chest?
He has a very lickable chest
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