Britney fell asleep on the couch in the foier, got up stripped then pissed on the floor. Then got dressed and went to sleep in it. Also downstairs toilet clogged. Not me. I will be gone by the time you get home from work. Have fun.
its summer. and we all know college gfs do not count in summer.
college gfs dont count ever. theyre like getting corn rows in jamaica. you feel cool at the time. then you go home and people make fun of you.
sober me hid the cigs from drunk me. sober me is a tricky bitch.
The lesbians are drunkenly meowing in the hallway again. This is the shit I'll miss at home.
If I don't wake up hungover in a ditch Monday morning I will consider my halloween a failure
i think i made a good impression on his friends wen i survived 55 cup beer pong
Mom brought home a 36 pack of Smirnoff and was all "ring any bells?" and then winked. I'm scared. What does she know?
Threw up on the baby. National Tequila Day is the eve of National I'm A Horrible Nanny Day.
Well, I watched a girl proposition a shit ton of people, try to take a cocktail waitresses job and then proceed to walk into a wall. Damn, I'm a little jealous.
Sex on the scooter in the parking lot wasn't the smartest idea. Actual quote from the cop as he handed me the ticket and fist bumped me.
He threw a twenty at the stripper and asked for change
well did he get it
....yes
Only you can make me eat tacos in your car, while naked, on a dead end road in a ditch on a Thursday night.
I can only rely on you and Taco Bell
Hey man, when I left for work she was laying on the couch naked cuddling your keurig, can you clean that mess up?
You and I both know it takes more than prescription narcotics to keep our family down. See you around ten, brother.
Randomize
