don't thank me. stop putting your penis in foreign objects.
Watching that soccer game was like getting kicked in the crotch for an hour and half and then coming right at the end.
I need your advice and before you say it, no, it cannot be solved by a blow job
You clearly don't understand the power you wield with your mouth.
After we hooked up, he left the room and no one has seen him since last night. That kid redefined hit it and quit it.
Also, I've sobered up around 5am, in Delaware. I remember making this decision, and highly regret it now.
I left two hundred in singles in your car sorry about the mess
Just traded the drive-through guy at BK a Dos Equis for a Hershey pie before noon... win?
He pissed on a police station. Then expected to not be arrested. Sounds accurate.
MY TWIN SISTER IS ENGAGED. I REPEAT, MY SCREW UP OF A SISTER IS ENGAGED. THIS IS NOT A DRILL.
I'll be there in 20 with vodka.
I was about to take him home and fuck his brains out but then the police came and arrested him for the stolen credit card he had been buying me drinks with all night...
I'm spending tomorrow doing taxes and making jello shots. Is this adulthood?
A stranger came up to me, pointed at my drink and asked what it tasted like and proceeded to chug half of it and then walked away.
Dude I'm hungover as fuck in a bed in Baltimore with another man... I don't think I can make it.
I think vodka/water/skittles totally beats your crystal light mimosas
I feel like I purchased a one way ticket to hell last night and its non refundable.
Randomize
