I'm fucking your sister right now.
You motherfucker
She's next.
We got drunk before dinner. People at the other tables were praying for us.
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
He grabbed onto my boobs while slipping on ice then proceeded to drag me down with him I'm not predicting head in his future
Drunk in my research methods class at 9:30 in the morning. We should do a quantitative analysis of my mimosa consumption.
I am both scared and jealous.
Currently smoking a blunt with my one night stand's mom. I don't know how I should feel about this.
It was that same situation where "cuddling on the floor" was actually just code for "rough shameful hate sex" hahaha.
So scratching an ex marines beard, telling him "nice hairy pussy." then when he opens his mouth to respond, I started fingering his mouth. Needless to say was a horrible idea
I don't want to be "that guy" but I may have accidentally sent a dick pic to your mom
You drunk? Cause I have a terrible idea...
She gave me a collar. When I asked what this was for she replied "I'm taming your dick"
My mom said "I saw the signs you guys were high, so I made the spaghetti"....so ya, I'd say she definitely knew
Idk but when you think about it the last time I did bottomless mimosas I ended up getting my nipples pierced so it might be fair
Her hot older sister walked in on us, looked me up and down, then stared straight at her and said "I call sloppy seconds on this one" then left. I'm still debating on how I feel about that.
So... my daughter's new girlfriend Is the daughter of the girl I dated on and off in college Who ran away because she got pregnant at my house party. My Legitimate daughter Is probably fucking my Illegitimate daughter...
Randomize
