Its official, cigarettes are now more expensive than weed
if hell is full of stilettos, fake tans, bleached hair, overused make-up, drawn out s's and blatent bitchiness, then i'm in hell right now.
Lol welcome to greek life
he left me a 6 minute video of him peeling a clementine listening to justin bieber
I'm not an expert but calling her the "hot lesbian" isn't going to coerce her into a 3some with you
In my drunkeness I was planning how to throw up without my parents hearing. I was gonna go for a "run" and just throw up outside.
Almost just bought a peacock. I need to get off Craigslist
I'm just gonna pretend you didn't ask me that. I'll sweep that shattered moment of our friendship under the shame rug.
Your lack of enthusiasm for my exciting news of drunken debauchery with an otherwise occupied vagina of one of my greatest conquests yet disturbs me. I'm not happy with you
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Sorry bud. Having a shitty day because the GF broke up with my wife and I. We really liked her too
I've started drunk signing up for 5ks. Who even does that?
Good friends go out of their way to crop dust your ex not once but twice. I knew we were friends for a reason
We will walk in fields of dick.
You seriously need to stop quoting those songs when i'm with my parents.
I have no reason to put on pants anymore. This is my new reality.
Can you see if my straightener is in your refrigerator?
Yes. Its here..
Randomize
