no, I didn't make it. Instead, i watched VH1 for... 13 hours? I use the question mark because I was using Flavor Flav's clocks to tell time after the first 3 hours.
it took me about 5 minutes before I knew it was in her ass. i thought the first time would be a bit more special
He just knocked over the beer pong table... I haven't seen so much fail in one room since I watched "Mall Cop" with my grandma
Last night was epic. Hooked up with Emma Watson, found twenty bucks, and then passed out on my floor.
No you didn't. You drank unbelievable amounts of 151, passed out in someone else's bathroom, and we carried you back to your floor. Nice dreams though.
i woke up on my kitchen floor, halfway through a text, and my mascara running... this is why i stopped drinking tequila
who knew that if you vomit while skydiving the puke goes up towards the people that are behind you.
just cheers'ed a flock of cattle as i drove past eating a burger i bought 7 hours ago. that high.
She just admitted to me that she was a pinecone.
How high are you?
I feel like breakfast can just fly into my mouth
So I was trying to finish off that sick uv whipped and I chased it with yogurt. Not a good idea
Either that or he's gagged in a strangers trunk right now.
Well I suppose either way he's learning a pretty tough lesson right now.
About to throw up, bathroom line up, Bro sees me. Yells, 'PUKER GET OUT OF WAY' THEY ALL PARTED WAY THREW ME INTO A STALL AND CHEERED AS I THREW UP INTO THE TOILET. we are going back
Also, you need to stop getting hammered and taking showers with people.
this potential sugar daddy just sent me a photo of him butt naked in the woods saying he wants to "grow our spirits together." so i think i found us a new drug dealer!
Pro tip: When you spend the afternoon banging your boss, don’t meet your mother-in-law for dinner if you still smell like cum and watermelon flavored lube
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