she was bad bro. like...id rather put my dick in a blender. twice.
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
You know that bakery that Sandra Bullock's sister owns?
The one in Montpelier?
yeah, well it doesn't exist anymore. VT's one fucking claim to fame closed.
hey, we don't wanna leave the house because we're watching fireworks on tv. this is america.
My boss just called me into his office to apologize for being an "inadvertant cockblock"
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
Hold on im havin a staring contest with my cat
I got kicked out of the bar but no one cared, I dont have any money so i stayed outside with the bouncer for an hour and he got so sick of me he let me back in on the condition that i cant leave my seat. VISIT ME
apparently the last bar didn't like my halloween costume with syringes filled with whiskey
Don't feel bad sweetie, you're not the only classy one in town. I'm still driving around with that tupperware of tequila in my cup holder from last week's Margarita Monday.
Him naked in my bed with a bottle of vodka in one hand, a pipe in the other, and a rose in his mouth.
We need to stop going on dates to the strip club.
I am going home. I have pee on my pants. Rachel is driving and I and drunk. It is not Rachels pee. It is my pee.
that's what I'm here for. I'm literally just bad advice mixed with motivational sentences.
My inner 10 year old alcoholic is intrigued.
Randomize
