ok i'm going to motor boat your sister now. ttyl
i have it on good authority that she is not as good at giving head as she claims she is
i wanna make it FB official so he cant fuck anyone else. but that means i can't fuck anyone else either. CONUNDRUM
The crazy thing is, I dont actually know where the cat is, she said something bout the back of the toilet and a sock.
I need to not be around brick walls while intoxicated.
His glasses broke on the way to the bar aNd he ended up talking to this butterface all night. I didn't have the heart to tell him
i'm traumatized. his orgasm face consisted of him looking like my dead grandfather and burping.
There was a stripper pole on the party bus. Was being past tense because some fat chick somehow tore it from the ceiling while grinding
Be careful. Don't drive if your body turns into a caterpillar again.
Judging by the fact that he asked me if i wanted to serenade him using cocaine and Taylor Swift I'd say I so have it in the bag.
She bought my penis dinner and beer last night. Her words
I wanted sex but got Ace Ventura: Pet Detective, instead. Then I had to drive 30 minutes home wet. Worst booty call, ever.
I'm ready to get married, then we can lie around watching anime and eating pizza while he rubs baby oil on me
I'll take care of you. Just let me pee on this old white person's car first.
dad is drunk and texting us pictures of bread
Randomize
