pretty sure I just motor boated my professor at the drag show
I just gift wrapped bread.
Woke up with my foot jammed into a VCR
you started putting condoms on anything with a point, then you were yelling at the lamp for using your last condom...
i'm sad. The beetle crawled away. I was only trying to get him stoned.
My neighbors are outside blasting Hootie and the Blowfish while drunkenly hitting a stump with a hammer. I could get used to this.
Sweet. I'm actually coaching my work study into a 4-girl orgy so dinner was kinda important. Yes, I'm the best boss ever.
and i think wearing the clothes from last night are out of the question...was there mud wrestling there? because i look like a participated..with a cat.
Cops just came and got two guys out of my class. I can't do college. Seriously cannot rage at this school anymore.
Woke up this morning with my period. Saw a commercial for the beginning of Shark Week. I see what you did there, Mother Nature. My pad's off to you.
For our 1st date, he tried to schedule a rock climbing. I suggested, "how about we meet at my place and you can scale Mt. Vagina?"
a guy just walked through our campsite, crouched down by the truck, screamed "ACID ONLY LASTS FOR 8 HOURS RIGHT?!", then ran off into the bushes
WTF I can't even get a boyfriend here and you're getting nudes from across the country
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.â€
i only got to wear my halloween costume for an half hour before it got taken off.
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