did you hook up at the wedding?
No but I jerked off on the hotel sheets. I wanted to get my moneys worth.
The best part was that when I woke up, I poked her with my dick to wake her up, and said, "Hi, I'm Alex. Nice to meet you". Shoulda seen the look on her face. Priceless.
Ive been sitting around naked watching magic on youtube.
I now beleive the Trojan Ecstasy ad "feels like nothing's there". They forgot to add "...cause the condom broke."
We just had to use a designated driver to get to night class.
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
Woke up with a raging boner...good feeling abt this trial
It was the best present I've gotten since I was 5 and I got a fucking easy bake oven. I'm not pregnant for realsies. Celebratory party at the house tonight. Invite all the nice dicks you know.
So I come home yesterday and my brother is like "watch this" and it turns out he's been retraining my dog to come running when u say "anal"
You can't just call animal control when you're drunk because there is a bug in the shower.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
One of your snapchats was of you with a 40oz of Mickeys and the caption: "Deep Throat back in her natural habitat"
He's going to wonder why I have burn marks on my asshole
I'm crying watching Rihanna at the VMAs. Periods are a bitch
It's a lot harder to work after sex than it is to work drunk... just saying.
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