I'm pants shitting drunk right now
but, i was nude. you really should respect my stupidity and delete them. please.
why do they call them blowjobs? ....unless i'm doing it wrong?
some guy just walked up to the bench i was on, backflipped off of it, gave me his number and walked away....i love this city
Just finished off a roll of paper towels. Celebration blunt?
I don't understand but I'll be there in 5
Her face just looks like a massive mistake. That's the only legitimate description I can say about it
Did you leave a blizzard on my porch last night? Or was that someone else giving out a metaphorical threat to me?
The sorority chicks were the Persian army, and we were their 300 Spartans. Can barely stand up now...such a good ratio
People are stripping in McDonalds. Do I join?
YES.
her wearing orange crocs at the bar was definitely a great form of contraception
Maybe you need to change your pickup move. The "hey check these out" titty flash gets you the wrong kinda man.
She had a tattoo on her pelvis that said "it's cock-o-clock" an had clocks and hot dogs exploding away from it. I'd like to tell you it was deal breaker buuuuuuut.......
We're going to work out tomorrow I guess but it usually consists of doing weights for 10 minutes, then saying fuck cardio and going to Taco Tuesday
He flipped me around so that we could have sex and both watch Die Hard... I think I found my sole mate. Merry Christmas to me!!🎄
...Just hit my fuck buddy with my car.
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