Wearing these hooker shoes was a mistake
ha- omfg whatt the fuck is wrong w me. Alcohol+third cousins= bad decisions
are you wasted or are you getting laid?
ebdebdebdebd
wow
so high i just made my own version of grilled cheese using toast and spray cheese
here comes the puke
I think the best part was when you jumped over me naked.
I'm still not a hundred percent.. I haven't shit anything solid in two days.. I have pulled my puker muscles and I can't take deep breaths cuz of other unidentified muscles/maybe heart attack
July fourth my place, drunken bubble slip n slide. Yes this is happening and yes I am 31
So apparently nutella and chocolate body paint aren't actually the same thing.
Oh god. I just had a sex dream about the talking dog from the Bush's Baked Beans commercials.
at least its a cool name to shout when he's balls deep in you later
Would it be weird if I bought knee pads and shin guards to fuck in my car?
Life hack: hotbox while in the car wash. It'll change your life.
Oh god...Did I just fuck a sugar granddaddy?!
Dude I'm drinking alone and watching cartoons. How is it that someone as hot as me is doing this.
I tried to get the guy I like to “spit shake” on a sexual bet... why am I such a bro fml
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