2 nights ago she wants to see other people, tonight she wants to have a threesome. The GOOD kind of threesome. So... win?
You want looks pregnant, is pregnant, or the one with a kid.
While I'm in the bathroom taking a piss you think of a way to get us the hell out of here.
Just got a orange juice for my grandma, put gin in it without thinking. She's having a good morning.
I'm telling people I'm celibate. It sounds cooler when it's by choice.
My RA just gave me tips on how to have discreet shower sex. Were we that loud?
Oh, and no balcony sex...trust me.
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
I have a date tonight... Like a real date... Not the kind where you just go over to his house and have sex and then never speak again.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
No one's ever called me intergalactic cocksucker, before.
What does it say about me that I feel completely charmed right now?
I'm smoking in a kimono on the couch. Bring me gin.
If you don't turn up on horseback dressed like a highwayman I am not having sex with you today
I think you are severely overestimating being able to get your lingerie back by posting the lyrics of Irreplaceable
Just remember that no one else gets to suck his dick but you, feel honored. It's like the Olympic torch of life is being passed off to you and it's your time to run
Randomize
