Well I think that's a good thing that I'm not full of someone else.
Going to pass out with da shoes on. hugging wallstreet journal from tuesday. please check me for liveliness in the morning.
I wish I could put booze in boobs and store it for later. I wouldn't need a flask. For $7000, they should do amazing things like that.
Forgot to mention there might be a picture of me being thrown in the air while at a Mexican restaurant
Dude she looks like a female richard gere plus 400 pounds.
we spent fifteen minutes trying to convince you that you weren't locked inside of your car
FRIENDSHIP PRAYER: May the crabs of 1,000 whores infest the crotch of the person who fucks up your day
In other more interesting news I'm going to arrange a surprise orgy. You in?
the bad thing about being great at twerking is that I'm powerless to stop myself from doing it when I'm drunk and in public.
Not remembering where I left my grinder before vacation #stonerproblems
I'm so high that hamburger just went up my nose. Mustard BURNS
The night was crazy enough that we did a workout. Instructed by the bouncer at 2am
My liver needs me to go back to work asap.
my mom just came into my room and handed me a news paper article about women on the verge of a drinking problem... i can already tell its not about to be sunday funday
how do i say "cradle the balls" in Italian
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