ok plan lets look hot and dance like whores.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
That still doesn't explain why you thought it was a good idea to paint a cow on my guitar
Do you remember that blonde girl he brought home from the bar on Friday night? She didn't leave until Monday afternoon. We didn't even know she was still in his room...what a sketchy weekend.
he went to have surgery in the morning and apparently they found lip gloss on his dick
So howd u manage to get high at a one year olds birthday anyway?
Idk. Im in a bed. the walls are wood. There's a deer mount.. im afraid to turn over and see who's next to me but he's violently cuddly.
how bad is she
captain morgan with tits
As i was walking home this morning some old lady was walking her dog and i said hello to her as our paths in life met, then i proceeded to puke in someones front yard and never looked back
Pounding your chest saying "me Tarzan" is not flirting or even talking
the new numbers in my phone would beg to differ
So do you want to hear how I got the hickey first, or how I got the black eye?
I think I accidentally agreed to be someone's surrogate
I want Walter White to make me a bologna sandwich while I'm chained to a support
I just moved my 11am hair appointment to 8am so I could blackout at noon. Who am I?
The weekend was a blur. There was vodka and penises and orgasms. I played a game of Cock Roulette and won big
Randomize
