Found a left over fake Olympic medal from our party last weekend. Awarded it to a random girl in the bar last night. Its the only thing she was wearing this morning when she woke up at my place.
forgot a fork. i am eating fettucini alfredo with a comb that i rinsed off the the bathroom sink. eating alone in my car. life doesn't get any sadder than this
Just saw your girl from last night... Be embarrassed
I don't want to talk about it but I will say, that was the best two headed $68 blowjob. Ever.
I've taken to hiding pictures of us around his room so that he'll forever feel guilty for dumping me on Valentine's Day... And to potentially cock block any hook ups.
Yes. No, I'm basically a superhero but with drugs. I'm robin hood. I steal from the rich (insurance and drug companies) and give to the poor (everyone I know).
trying to figure out what happened last night by looking around the apartment.
naked man under the piano. THE PLOT THICKENS.
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Ugh. Lets go crawl into a dairy-gluten-chlamydia free hole somewheres.
Well the other day she asked me how often I jerk off. So I guess things are getting semi-serious
Every time you mention the threesome around him I will high five you. Do what you will with this information.
hooked up with him and then had a conversation with his ex about how we hate people who hook up with our exs...
burned my penis with a sauteed onion again.
Just got a handjob in my psych lecture. You were right, going to class is paying off.
Security showed up because apparently we were fucking too loud.
As your roommate I can attest that y'all do indeed fuck rather loudly
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