this party is like a fast-foward into the future when im 40 and married with children
They just sang me a song about how small my dick is in front of the whole bar
You don't even know the meaning of faking an orgasm until you sleep with an uncircumcised ginger.
We were both halfway out the window trying to give each other high fives over the roof while the dude was going 150.
The night started going downhill when I set my foot on fire.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
if you need to find her look her up on www.imastupidslut.org
.org?
yeah. they're non profit. helps them sleep at night.
Picking up hoes with my dad is going to make it a little harder, but ay, if thats how he wants to bond after 23 years, Ill give it a shot
We haven't even eaten dinner yet and she's already been asked to "take it down a notch" by the groom's mom.
I was super proud of him for making a mature relationship decision, and then I remembered that he cheated on her. With me.
Just did body shot off a midget. Pretty good start.
I just caught my bangs on fire trying to lite a bowl while driving. Thank god it wasn't my eyebrows like last time.
When I came she triumphantly exclaimed, "MUAHAHA VICTORY IS MINE!"
I just motorbotted some guy and my hair got stuck in his nipple ring...owww
A guy just threw up in my lecture of 500 ppl and just got up and walked away
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