People with herpes should wear stickers.
i am making flyers for the homeless letting them know about free chipolte day
Oh I also wanted to thank you for leaving your list of porn sites on the coffee table. Very entertaining.
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Just witnessed my roommate pick her nose and eat it in her sleep. Remember, you made out with that.
I feel like we shud celebrate your sisters homecoming by having sex in her room
Remember when puke and rally meant a good time? Fuck pregnancy
because i know somewhere at some party, behind someones closed bed room door youre being feed a key full of mollie.
I just literally had a dance party in my closet. I've never been this blazed.
The friend zone. He put me in the friend zone. But said he still wants me to suck his dick. I'm in the dick sucking friend zone and I want to die.
how does someone with a Masters Degree leave poop in an ashtray in the sink? It just blows my mind
Woke up with 5 texts apologizing from a number I named "guy who elbowed me in face"
They have one of those claw machines here... with a dildo in it...
I've realized that my life is a cycle of high that is only broken by sobering up at work, which only happens because I can't smoke more
All I remember is your girlfriend laying on the bathroom floor and me crawling in and asking if it was okay to puke.
Randomize
