my ultimate dream in life is to have sperm so powerful that it will rival that of jim bob duggar.
my purse only fit my wallet or the martini shaker. it wasnt even a question of which i was bringing.
i can't sleep with him. he has a scrapbook from the girl he lost his virginity to.
I'm at Home Depot to get supplies to fix the wall we cracked by fucking too hard against the bookshelf.
I let that bitch know in no uncertain terms I was taking the coke dealer in the breakup
He has what he calls a "Ben Franklin". It's a pubic hairdo based on the man himself; long on the sides and bald in the middle.
She's cute. And her snoring noises remind me of the incidental music from Jaws.
I inhaled my own vomit, how was your night?
When you put my balls in your mouth i just want to buy you expensive gifts...you know what i mean?
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
you seriously don't remember..? but then again, you were taking shots by yourself for like 30mins
I feel like there's def a learning curve to the sex swing
God specifically crafted these hands to deal out orgasms.
On a scale of "huh, that's interesting" to "holy porn stars, batman". How good?
Definitely closer to "holy porn stars, batman".
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
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