i want to open my blinds to let the sunlight in my room, but i'm afraid my neighbors will be able to see me drinking and judge me
i keep myself tagged when other girls look bad/ugly so i look better
hahaha our party bus just died on the freeway and we're drinking in the center divider. i'm on the roof. i win
There was a canoe full of alcohol. It was literally a boat load of fun
This is your monthly public service announcement that sexual services will temporarily cease from Wednesday night to Monday. Please plan accordingly and have a nice day =D
Can we have a celebratory fuck now that the lockout is over?
You're the best girlfriend ever.
after we were done she whispered to my dick "you sir, are a genius"
I guess all those years with her as your babysitter finally paid off.
He said he looked out his window and I was sitting in the grass with blood everywhere talking to a dog.
You don't understand. On her lunch break she sits on the roof, stares into the sky, and chain smokes. I can't get on her level. She is made up of java monsters with whiskey and a voice that sounds like sex.
You need to stop crushing on your boss or fuck her.
He tried to break dance on the island in the kitchen and ended up knocking over everyone's alcohol onto the floor then yelled "GUCCI" before vomiting
He's got the good dick trifecta - flip phone, works outside, bed with no headboard.
the guy next to you kind of looks like a penguin. i'm going to fuck him
I’ve developed a strange interest in ear wax removal vids on YouTube. Dear god, I need to get a job
We smell like vodka and hangover
We were playing fuck marry kill and he was eavesdropping so I said I would fuck him
It was like catching dick in a barrel
Randomize
