I thought i'd save money with No Heat November but the amount of whiskey i have to buy to stay warm is probably adding up to more than a heat bill.
definitely not taking the whole return culture shock so well...drinking a 100 proof rootbeer vodka float out of a german beer mass
On an unrelated note, i found out who duct taped shoelaces to my face
Well it's 2pm. Time for another game of "Who, What, Where". The game where you try to guess who this girl is, what happened last night, and where'd your shit go. I'm going for 1/3 today.
That's better than I've done so far.
We see some guy emerge from the forest on the island this morning, alone, in only a snuggie. Morning shots and bagels on us for the number one walk of shame.
And don't try to lose a condom in me tonight. My vagina is not a storage compartment where you can just leave something and try and use it again later in the week.
I just sold my hat for three car bombs. I call that a win.
I've decided that I'm okay with you getting a goat. I have to get over my completely rational fear of goats somehow.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
I've come to realize that I need a break from life when I just tried to use my address numbers as the cook time on the microwave
he pissed the bed, like I literally woke up and he was pissing right beside me. With the electric blanket he's lucky he didn't get electrocuted
She flashed us last time and pissed all over the floor this time. I'm scared to invite her back.
If I had any lingering questions about my sexuality, the strip club tonight verified I'm 100% gay
I've come to the conclusion, I should prob have at least 20 hr supervision. I would say 24, but I'm guaranteed to pass out for at least 4 hrs a day
Idk if you own a vibrator or anything but it's not smart to leave it in dad's car for him to find :/
Randomize