I feel like abortions should bother me more
she started talking about my kids
was she topless?
i just found five singles in my underwear?! im suspicious but delighted none the less
I miss Michael Jackson so much sometimes
And I was somehow convinced to wash the glassware at the bar topless.
Had sex five times today because there was nothing else to do. I had no idea snow days could get even better than when we were kids
coming out of a blackout being surrounded by Disney police was not as awesome as it sounds.
Dental hygienist just pulled two flakes of glitter out. And asked me how i've been doing with the divorce.
Any idea who the guy in my bed tagged as rattlesnake dick might be?
best. trip. ever. this is going to be too much fun. petland isnt going to know what hit them.
He needs to stop telling me how much he respects me. What does that even mean
He asked me how france is treating me
Tell him you got so much dick you may never come back to the US. That ought to keep him away
I'm sad that I feel like I need to temporarily change your name in my phone from Smashley until you have the baby and can be unsober with us again.
Got so drunk last night I kinda sent a super on point sext to his kid sister...say a prayer man
I remember 2 things. 1. Hanging through the window. 2. And she needing a bucket to puke in. That’s all. I have no other memory.
Randomize
