you kept yelling at her to "show me your genitals" until the bouncers told us to leave...at which point you showed them YOUR genitals...
please don't ever take me to a strip club again...
So basically our separate showers turned into one shower, to save water, which turned into a bath, which turned into sex on the bed, which turned into drinking beer in the bed, and thats what the stain is from... bud light. sorry.
If a young child walked up to you and grabbed your penis, you'd feel violated too.
You don't take my phone while I'm passed out, have a three hour conversation on it with Dealer Dave, set up a date with him and NOT TELL HIM THAT HE'S NOT TALKING TO ME.
He's not so smart and obsessed with sex and lacks listening comprehension skills. I feel like i'm dating a sexually competent sesame street character.
how did we start talking about space blow jobs?
The random guy I fucked from craigslist said I had the best smile. I take compliments where i can get them
He kept asking for nudes so I sent him a picture another guys dick. He called me ruthless.
Summary of my night: made out with a complete stranger at a club dressed in the Geico gecko costume...
he accidentally put it in my ass, i liked it but didn't tell him that and "accidentally" took his weed.
4 pharmacies and not one had Plan B. If this is gods way of telling me it's time for a child, he can fuck off.
I just want to be like "i dont know you but ive seen your penis & i like it"
Remember when I convinced you to watch me eat my sandwich just so you could reuse my plate and save us money on our water bill? I'm so ecofriendly when I'm high
Is it bad form to puke out of a dorm window to avoid looking bad in front of the people in your room?
How about from a sixth floor window?
No reason. My tongue went numb after one shot. I may die tonight
Randomize
