I'm having one of those days where I just want to lay in bed and beat off all day
Worst part of St. Paddy's...me drunkenly crying to a U2 cover band.
Sooo just headbutted a stripper, meet you outside
I'm pretty sure my moms getting nailed in the bathroom right now while I'm chaperoning. God damn it.
Is it mean to convince my old booty call she used me for sex so I can bang her again before I leave for Denver?
he attacked my vagina with the force of a thousand suns
I'm at the local community college pretending to be a substitute for a computer applications class
the bandages come off on Tuesday. we can try out my new breasts then.
The bathroom smells like ribs. What did you do?
Question. There's no better feeling than clean shaven balls. Do girls get that too?
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
But of course I'm in. After all, what fun would the holidays be without trying to find the perfect gift to impress someone you've never met, but need the approval of??
I also told the bartender he probably had a beautiful spleen
I'm no doctor but I don't think balls are supposed to look like that.
She was blacked out at her own party. It felt good to stand next to her while she laid on the floor and say "vomit does not look good on you."
Randomize
