i'm stoned. there's a jazz trio playing outside across the street...scared that mike myers will appear & start yelling 'woman...WHOA MAN. WHOOOA MAN.' i'm snapping my fingers.
i may or may not have puked on your loofa in the shower.
the only reason i invite her is so when the guys start to hit on her i know it's time to take their keys
I really should sober up and deal with this hangover
It seems to be one of those life decisions I'm perfectly content never making though
but you don't have to sleep on top of four different cum stains because you'd rather buy a case of Franzia than spend $3.50 in the student laundry room
BTW waking up to a picture of you taking a shot of what I can only assume was shitty lukewarm liquor out of a blow up dolls butt made my day
Skip school. Seven hour blow job Plus Disney movies. Day of champions
ok thanks goodnight
Also before you go to bed i just have to get it out there that i really like macklemore as a person
easter 2014 is on 4/20 THIS IS NOT A DRILL YOUR FAMILY WILL EXPECT YOU TO BE HOME AND SOBER I REPEAT THIS IS NOT A DRILL
It's Scottsdale, it shouldn't be this hard to find drugs.
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
why the hell did we go to a rave last night?
we didn't?
definitely went to a bar with strobe lights
JENNIFER. You passed out in a toilet with a color changing light in it.
I can't have the last guy who touched my vagina be my coworker.
the fact that I can still put my shoes on is a testament to the fact that I can outdrink these bros
I guess it's too forward to greet him with a blow job?
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