I wish everyone could be as happy as the people in the laxative commercials.
Her vagina is like Vegas. high traffic and full of glitter.
He googled "how long will i be drunk" and just started crying
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
He had rug burn on his nose from my landing strip
dude wearing that thong all day was not worth the 7 bucks
I want to apologize but I don't know how. Do I just say "sorry for OD'ing on your couch"? I think that just sounds weird.
We sat in his closet and drank four loko out of my camelbak for an hour in the dark. You tell me how my night went.
Its the least I can do really, I mean, I did sleep with her husband...
My goal is to go an entire semester without cocaine. That's an adult goal right?
Whiskey dick is like insurance for making bad decisions
he's a firefighter. like being a firefighter screams MY DICK IS HUGE SO I'M NOT AFRAID TO DIE IN THIS FIRE.
Stalker pic that shit
He left, I think he got uncomfortable when I started singing 'oompah oompah doodley do, I have a special riddle for you'
Pretty sure I used toilet water to wash vomit off my face last night...
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
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