I have to get up uber early tomorrow. Which is why I started drinking early today
I think they gave out some kind of ugly girl scholarship I don't know about...
Is it possible for Craig Seger to wear a normal suit and not look like an asshole on national tv?
we've progressed from teabagging to lighting eachothers asses on fire. this cannot be a good path.
I've had enough of this chick, she wanted to cuddle after giving me a handjob. I feel like I'm in junior high
Just passed a guy passed out on a riding lawn mower in his front yard.
he called me back to his office so he could lick a line of pixie stick off of my thigh
be sure to add "office slut" to your resume
I made out with a bride-to-be last night at the bar. Jesus died for our sins right?
They woke me up at 4 in the morning screaming "drunk adventure time!" because they needed a sober chaperone. They made me walk them around the block shoeless.
Guess who has two thumbs and just fell outta his car and almost peed himself
That idiot. I'll see him on campus and he'll try and touch me like we're friends or some shit. 1.you're ugly 2. You dropped the blunt in the pool
She throws back shots like they are NO-THING. I swear, she goes through like five straight tequila shots, does a jello shot, chases with half a hot dog, has a rum and coke, and then takes her shirt off and makes an impromptu bandage out of it for fuckin' Tim who cut himself on the flagpole. I'm going to marry her.
"I'm a professor to university students" I say as I realize I have a nipple piercing that I have no memory of getting
FYI, his "son" is a Chihuahua.
I might be drinking a 4-day old opened beer on a Wednesday. You're in no position to judge me.
It would have only made it one day at my place.
Randomize
