where are you
in your bedroom
how did you get in
your wife…
WTF
oh my god im such an asshole. i just asked the guitarist of bad religion if he was a scalper.
The walk of shame is so much worse when you've spent the night third wheeling.
At Bonnaroo. Just saw a couple emerge from a port-a-potty. Romantic?
Get condoms and clear your schedule for the night. I'm bringing chinese food!
hey is it cool if i invite some fat girls to the party so i can be the skinny one?
yeah okay. but if i take one home with me you have to come over in the morning and tell her to get her shit and go.
shotgunning a bud heavy is like shotgunning a turkey sandwich
do you remember putting condoms over both your hands and asking me if your fists would be too big.
Have you seen my high heels that I wore out?
You mean the one that you threw at the parked cop car or the one in the microwave?
He asked what my name was on facebook chat. IT SAYS RIGHT THERE. i will never be drunk enough for this guy.
Remember when we had a keg, and then another 5 cases... and like 30 people drank it all?
Everything hurts.
My hand smells like rave and peanut butter.
Who knew a blowjob could cause this kind of crazy
He wasn't prepared for it
its not much but to go through all that to ask for half a balls worth of money was so stressful
It's less than a hour into 2020 and I already want to punch some people in the face
Randomize
