i hate sounding clingy, but i just wanted to verify i wasn't an asshole in your mind
Woke up in an unfamiliar basement in a sleeping bag with Matt to a police officer shining his flashlight in my eyes and asking me my birth date and social security number. My morning went swimmingly.
i purposely bought her a small sweater. My way of saying, you've gotten fat.
so apparently I plead the 5th to every question they asked me when they put me under the conscious sedation to set my broken wrist
Imagine if you could have something so delicious, like your taste buds went on LSD while eating a chocolate tiramisu. That's the opposite of what cum tastes like.
I don't even see the point of going over to his place dressed anymore.
I hope you fall on your chin.
Jealousy makes you ugly.
yes i am an adult who snuck out of my parents house to cuddle with a guy and then came home and listened to taylor swift. judge me all you want.
AT THIS RATE YOU WILL HAVE FUCKED MORE OF MY CLOSE FRIENDS THAN I HAVE PEOPLE PERIOD BY VALENTINE'S DAY.
Are there any plans to where i might need to be dressed semi-nicely or is it a "pants optional" weekend?
I like to feed my guinea pigs before I get stoned. In case they get contact high and get the munchies. It's only polite.
Fuckin wine wasted last night. Found my pants in the toilet this morning.
No I did not just post a Craigslist ad for a used stripper pole because I can't afford my own. But now that you put the idea in my head I might have to.
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
He left cushions on my floor, chocolate on my bra and unexplained scratches on my thighs. I think this one might get a second date.
i got kicked out of the casino for drunken disorderly conduct because i kept stumbling into old people and one of them told on me. as the boucer was taking down my information so i could no re-enter i ripped my id out of his hands while yelling fuck you.
Randomize
