Microwave minutes are longer than normal minutes.
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
He said his penis was a 1 woman penis with a conscience an I was that woman...technically a declaration of commitment rite?
I don't even want to go. i just want to be a hermit and live in a cave with an elephant that pisses vodka
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Dude you have to come get or im gonna nail this 64 y/o woman as repayment for buying me shots of jager
If you take a couple more shots you won't even know he's a mormon that drives a mini van.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
Pants off. Spirits lifted.
I have a fantastic sense of humor but being called a merman isn't funny
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Also, for real, though? Did we even have sex or were we just jumping on the bed drunk and naked...because with me that's actually a possibility.
I'm not dropping acid and watching game of thrones with you. That just sounds like a disaster waiting to happen.
He spilled some of his beer on your shoulder then proceeded to lick it off. By the face you made, I don't know if you were completely horrified or really turned on.
Mom wants to know if you're coming over or if it's safe for her to take her bra off...
On cleanup... i've counted 94 solo cups so far.. oh, and i found a miniature top hat in the microwave
I'm a freaking penguin. one mate for life, and really awkward at parties
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