and this is why I hate my dad. He got 25x more angry with me when I wanted to drive a different route then he suggested to get to his house (more scenic- thus more enjoyable) then he did when I told him I was driving drunk with 4 people in the car and I got my 5th speeding ticket last night.
its like my vagina has this homing beacon out to all the guys saying "come find me, i havent been shaved in weeks"
Dude, just paid my sister in vicodin to go out and buy me a slushie.
I just made easy mac in my blender. Beat that.
Never again. I promise. My old gay body can't handle that much adrenaline twice.
Well I just found the most comfortable way to pass out on my toilet if I ever have to.
Its a good thing to know for upcoming events.
I wish university was like frosh week all the time and then they just give you a degree for surviving
I only blacked out one night of three if that isn't fucking personal growth idk what is
He called me saying he got nice rims for his car so now we can fuck in style
We just had sex in the shed while having a conversation about cheeseburgers...so that's how my day is going
You were holding onto her boobs like you were adrift at sea and they were the only flotation devices
The housekeeper found my huge dildo under the bathroom sink, and another in the living room. I can't get much more single than this.
I fucked him on shrooms. His dick looked like a missile and he had snakes coming out of his ears. It. Was. AWESOME!
i gave head in a cab last night. get on my level.
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
