it felt great physically, but AWFUL morally.
She's the rare girl who loses weight and gets uglier.
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
Want updates from david's night out drinking? If so text back DAVID to this number. Std rates apply.
this islike a room full of reasons why i should be in prison
She was literally passed out in a cubicle with a flask in her hand. I LOVE finals week!
Just found out drinking 6 trays of random shots makes me wake up on a club toilet with my underwear and jeans around my ankles
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
Are you stuck outside of your house because you forgot to walk up stairs? Cuz I've been there.
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
im on the hungover til tuesday pabst blue ribbon diet
Saw two pregnant women at court today and I SWEAR one of them said "we had a threesome with this random guy and he got both of us pregnant."
"hahahaha" is not a sufficient reply when I tell you my mother laughed at a joke about me giving blowjobs.
hey can you come unlock the basement door? I'm trapped in here.
no I can't, you're a safety hazard. but, there's a beer keg down there somewhere. we don't have cups, but help yourself.
HILY FUCK HES HERE I HAVE MONISTAT IN ME HE SUPRISED ME
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