I dreamt Michael Jackson dropped his pants in front of me and I had to ignore it.
Why did you send me a picture of a dick?
It was an accident sry. Not mine tho.
i am watching brooke knows best right now and hulk is totally dating his daughter's look a like. it is gross and disturbing.
the most pressuring question is, why are you watching brooke knows best?.
I just drank Colt45 out of a champagne glass. I feel classy.
Colt 45 out of anything is classy.
And then I saw the naval officer and gave up that whole new leaf thing
My boyfriend woke me up in the middle of the night to have sex with me right before I had sex with another guy in my dream. What a unique sixth sense his penis has.
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
I am in macy's and just straight up heard an old lady taking a crap in her depends.
We really have to stop convincing people tazing is the cool thing to do.
I have a diplomatic trade for you. My pants for your rum. Tomorrow?
I totally forgot about finals week. im the worst adderall salesman ever.
Sometimes I just want to serenade his penis with cheesy 80s songs.
My hands are stained pink. I look like I fisted a muppet.
I am too high to deal with coming home to 11 naked people in my living room
If me saying "come f***k me now" is talking, then yes.
Randomize
