I gave up sex with dolphins for you.
He was like an evil genius with the clitoris. I don't stand a chance.
Well I think it's fate. Considering march is my fave month because it's my birthday and st. Patrick's day. And his name is Patrick. I'm sleeping with him all through march. No question.
hey fuckhead. when i said not to grow shrooms in our apartment, that didn't mean "yea, sure. grow shrooms in our apartment"
I want to put in my resignation as an adult. From now on I will be spending my time drinking beer and skiing.
So I walked in on her and she had taped her fingers together and was crying and was whispering something about "how humbling it is being in constant glove mode"
He snapchatted me his dick and he's circumcised....BRB going to hug his Mom
I wore a bird inflatable and still got laid. So there's that.
I hate men. But I love dick. You see my problem?
Three Decembers later, I'm looking at this fuckin Santa lingerie I bought and just realized my stocking never got stuffed....
Please don't think I'm weird for texting you this at 12:08 am but I just found another picture on the Internet where I think you can see his dick through whatever he's wearing
Adulthood is punching a guy in the face when you find out he's trying to fuck you and he's married instead of fucking him regardless and believing anything he says
i black out too much to be "responsible"
What doesn't this kid understand that our relationship is not going past the blacked out blowjob I gave him on his birthday?
I just deff did the walk of shame.. His roommate/manager woke us up. A dog scared me on my stumble to the car.
This is why I'm single.
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