if i get an abortion, then will you go out with me?
do people in england often walk their sheep on leashes? or is this guy the exception to the rule?
i think he saw me take a picture of his dick
I swallowed for you. Answer the phone.
I have so much shit FLYING through my head. They're all in magic carpets and everything
I just spent the last ten minutes making a timeline of my sex life. 2010 and 2011 I am calling "I can't believe Im still clean" years.
5 am booty call.. And I went I need to gain better control of my vagina
Only at Harvard can you walk in on a bunch of stoners and expect everyone to immediately stand up, shake your hand and introduce themselves like we're at a fucking job fair
My life is a clusterfuck of men and disorderly priorities right meow.
Dude at the bar last night came into the bathroom, drop kicked the stall open and start saying lines from happy Gilmore as he was shitting, "go in your home! Are you too good for your home?!"
I shit myself when I came, don't have flu sex
On a scale from 1-10 how wrong is it to request "I Hit It First" at my ex's wedding reception?
Definite 12.2 but worth it.
The bride is so wasted, she fell into her cake.I wanna be on her level
We need a signal or code word for "I basically shaved my whole body and we should touch each other tonight".
Our love of vodka is more proof than a maternity test
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