After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
He's fat, has man boobs, and is uncircumsized. I feel like I won the last woman on earth prize.
you were passed out in your cheese fries by the time he brought out your second order of french toast.
you probably have like 11 voicemails from us, one is us singing my heart will go on while were fucking
Your mom just threw up on me. Please come home.
If anyone wants to ring in the new year with gluttony and yoga pants, let me know. As soon as it becomes a socially acceptable hour to drink margaritas, I'm gonna go down on a chimichanga.
So much for doing Irish car bombs in my grandpa's memory.... Asshole.
She yanked on my limp dick and I yelped, to which she slurred something about starting it like a lawn mower
Ive done some fucked up shit, but last night was the first I have Poured milk on anothers mans face in the shower.
Did you take the full box of samoas or do I not remember getting baked and eating half a box by myself?
According to Joseph, last night I crawled into bed and told him to pretend I'm his French maid, and then started speaking with a German accent, and referring to his manbits as "ze greatest Weiner schnitzel I'd ever seen". Basically, last night was a roaring success.
She said my mask was creepy, took it off with her teeth, and proceeded to bite my neck. I love vampires.
So I remember having an orgasm, but I didn't wake up next to anyone. Your dog is afraid of me. Is this a sick joke?
Etiquette question... How do you tell your mother that her nipple is out in her fb profile picture?
Peru was great. He sent me a text after thanking me for my amazing morals which confused me but made me oddly proud...then he texted a correction. He meant my amazing oral. Sadly this Made me prouder. Fuck u bitches and ur morally inhibiting gag reflexes.
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