Those kids are glorified dude-bros. It's banal.
i did the 'picked up item' thing from zelda when i jizzed on her face
so you're single again?
yea but it was worth it
he asked me to help him wrap his girlfriends birthday presents. Dont worry we fucked right after.
she was handing out condoms w/ her number on them...
I just got this text "hi this is Julie, I met you last night in the bathroom. You asked me to text you and remind you that you ate an entire lime, because you figured your sober self in the morning would be confused."
All i remember is people cheering me on to drink faster than the dog, out of the dog's bowl. I just couldn't stop.
you act like breakfast cereal isnt an entirely appropriate chaser
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
It's called the dick transitive property. It states if you touch a person whilst they touch a dick, you are also touching said dick.
I told him I tried to eat a stranger's sandwich while I was drunk. Mildly disappointed but he realizes he has me for a kid.
Come share oat with me in your robe
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
people need to understand when I say I don't want to drink anymore that doesn't mean tempt me with another bottle of Jose Cuervo.
I'm bleeding and intoxicated as I'm walking to my final right now. Wish me luck
I got some blow and a hand job from one of the strippers. So I guess I'm getting over the divorce.
Randomize
