you sent me 45 texts saying "meow?"
did i?
Turns out, Windex will cut right through semen stains on a computer case.
That should be a holiday. like easter. but bulges instead of baskets
I am officially out of liquor stores within a 15 mile radius that don't recognize me as soon as I walk in the door.
it was like that last scene in "It's A Wonderful Life" but with alcohol
Like what kind of adult things? Whats more adult than drinking at 2pm on a monday?
I recommend you throw your keys as far as you can in one direction, your phone as far as you can in the opposite direction, and hold on.
Yes I slept with him, he was the only one not wearing a costume. Guys with costumes are just trying to impress you.
Apparently getting a blow job in the mens room from the bar owners daughter will get you kicked out.
75% of my food budget goes to wine, the rest to chips and salsa.
60% of the guys I've slept with are on my holiday greeting card mailing list. I'm an amazing ex lover.
Sorry for drunkely attacking your best friend with a bow and arrow then loudly crying myself to sleep....PMS?
He literally just laid flat on top of me motionless at one point. It felt less like foreplay and more like he was trying to use me as a flotation device. 0/10
LISTEN TO ME! DONDE ESTA LA FUCKING VICODIN!
Hey Girl, we got home safe!
I know, I drove you
Randomize
