You guys seriously fuck to bieber? That's embarrassing...
Someone apparently named 'eleaw' just text me asking if I had fun last night.
I fed him jelly beans while he fingered me. Win, win situation.
Way to high for badminton right now. This is gonna be a shitshow.
Finding out he was uncircumcised by feeling his foreskin in my mouth was NOT ideal. New rule. Lights ALWAYS on.
Wtf are freshmen gonna think when the first thing they see in a pale 6'4 white kid with a mustache yelling ya man and we be liming in a Trinidadian accent
Maybe I'll make your dreams come true and pee on you tomorrow.
I mean I feel like if you explain to the emoji app company that your friend got plastered and fell to the ground and is trying to scheme her way back to normal life and get her dignity back they would understand just how necessary it is to have a fingers crossed emoji...
The molly dropped while I was taking a shit. Do you have any idea how scary that is?
That does not seem like timing
"Little drunk?" Honey you were "livetweeting" Sublime's "Sublime" album while it was playing in his car, and at one point you said you hoped they play Santeria. "Little drunk" doesn't cover it.
...I think I just watched a boy make a sandwich seductively. What.
I gave him a bj as a thank you for helping. I think that's good.
I feel like I don't even know what's gonna happen when we first see each other. It'll be like explosions and glitter and a unicorn will run by pulling a sleigh of alcohol and sex.
Can you face time me. I need to know if this pill is xanex or ecstasy
I just woke up and I don't really remember anything past 1pm. How much am I missing?
A good 10-11 hours. You got laid twice. Also, you out-ran a cop and played football with a lamp.
Randomize
