I wish I had my old roomstes number so I could send him pictures from lastnight... I had a blast banging his "true love" now that I think about it we're even don't worry about that gas bill you didn't pay. Ur girl worked it off!
I cant believe Lindsay Lohan feels like this every day
Cumming on a girls face is guy code for you're not wife material.
Please tell me how you drunkenly remembered your social security number when we were checking you into the ER.
No. He just yelled "youre having one more orgasm!" So he made that happen and then he rolled over and went to sleep.
After throwing up in a tequila bottle on my nightstand (still not sure how she did that) she asked if she could slip into something more comfortable.
i DID try to find you last night. i asked where you were and you texted me the letter "e" and a picture of the dark.
i also performed surgery on a chicken burrito from what i can tell from my scissors
after the shots you kept on yelling "this is for the dreamers"
Douche bag was crowd surfing, sack punched him. Crowd carried him away in a ball of agony. LIFE=COMPLETE.
Look. If you're going to be my girlfriend you need to be down with me licking BBQ off your face infront of kids.
He posted a picture from Senor Frogs. I don't remember where that bikini came from and my sombrero is PERPENDICULAR. Safe to say it was one hell of a day
you're hired as official boob wrangler
Her mom came down to the basement and took shots with us. She's now passed out in a wheel barrow. This party got weird
Im blaming it on six shots of Jack, loneliness and a chemical imbalance. That's the best I can think of...
Randomize
