my vag is singing 'hurts so good' by john mellencamp
I was too high to figure out which of the three doors would lead me to my classroom, so i sat down in the middle of the hallway and ate a twinkie.
You ended at least 6 stories with "and that's why I don't snort coke anymore"
Ordered weed last night from the delivery service, and who showed up...my old real estate broker. He said, "this is less stressful." Duh.
You really need to tell him that he has a girlfriend. I'm not sure he knows
We are taking shots for every green Lon-Capa box we get for the homework.
Thanks for coming to the hospital with me, In return, I will buy you ecstasy.
Close. The correct answer is shitting in a public toilet. We also would have accepted the pit of despair.
The thumbs up barstamp on my hand is mocking my hangover with its positivity.
This day sucks. I just wanna play ostrich and bury my head in your boobs.
Things in my bed this morning: a Waffle House hat, a finding nemo DVD, sharpies, my graduation robes and an adult diaper. Did we play drunk scavenger hunt again?
Yes. I will keep putting the beer into my stomach and eventually the bartender will make a mistake
she's throwing knives it scares me
update: broke ceiling. glass everywhere
My friends said as soon as you walked in, I motor boated you like there was no tomorrow.
Yeah, I liked it.
Seriously though, I walked in and he was holding my cat in the air singing "the circle of life"...
Randomize
