please tell me you didn't have sex with him in the bathroom...
Does an alley count?
Just woke up. Need to shower and fuck. Be there when I'm done disappointing. Should be 30.
it took me 20 minutes to get her upstairs... she crawled under a car and wouldn't come out.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
Trying to figure out which chair my head was under last night
Carpeing THE FUCK out of that diem
Is it weird to say that Kobe reminds me of a wise brontosaurus?
But once you explained how to fill cupcakes with semen I realize you were harmless and right on my level.
The bong is packed and it's taco Tuesday come over
you got to sleep with him and don't even remember it? that's like sleeping through an entire vacation
When i was tripping hard i was banging Jeff's roommate and her room turned into Hogwarts
Also when we were banging i thought my high school librarian was perched up on top of the stereo like a gargoyle but it ended up just being her cat
I told him you're making deviled eggs for the party. Sisters make deviled eggs to get their sisters laid. It's science.
Hold on, I'm taking nudes in a blanket fort right now
Found Ryan’s keys in the fridge. On my way back.
Also, tell him he missed Nathan passing out in the dryer.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize
