Operation extremely regretful is in full effect
is it bad that i kinda- ok, reallyyy don't remember having sex with him last night?
So she said grabbing my cock was like holding a giant crayola from pre-school.
that was the beginning of the end.
think im gonna go get a six pack before class and sit in the back of the room...
I'll probably regret it tomorrow. But right now, accepting this $2000 credit card so that I can finance booty calls from across the united states sounds like a golden idea.
This guy randomly got in our taxi, and has now collapsed on the sofa anouncing that he's staying the night.
I just made a cocktail. Had one shot of vodka left. It looked lonely so I decided to reunite it with its vodka friends in my bloodstream.
Starting the day at 1:44 in the afternoon. With a hot pocket and a mixer. Who knew my life had this kind of possibility.
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
I just had a sexting conversation using medieval jargon. I think he is a fine suitor.
pretty sure I blew his mind with the sex last night. He repaid me with a five minute conversation about power rangers.
Did I see you at the bar last night?
Yes. You just kept grabbing my boobs and saying how much better they are than yours...
I was giving you head in the kitchen, and when I looked up you were eating a quesadilla.
It’s gonna be hard being interviewed by this girl without remembering the time she showed me her nipple piercings at Dylan’s party
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
I think my roomie is silently judging me for spraining my foot by having sex in a bounce house
so the bounce house and tequila was good idea then?
Randomize
