I was actually kinda bummed my STD test came back negative.
That would have been proof he'd slept with the stripper. Lame.
He made sure to throw up on the Mexico side of the border while we were in line at the check point. Then finished by screaming you an have it back. You can have it all back.
I was blowdrying my hair this morning and I swear to god it smelled like franzia
It's 9:30am and I've already blown three loads. Reason #101 I love 25 year old girls.
I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser. I will not fuck this loser.
Me and Phil are just drawing pictures of thumbs in different costumes during lecture. I love being a senior.
just peed in rthe mens room but seranaeded them with adelle the whole timee so they didnt mind
Dude best one night stand i woke she was cleaning our fridge while waiting for the cab to show
I just want to let you know how hung over I am today and I fucked a girl in a kangaroo costume last night.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
Shawn wouldn't stop singing about his cock on the ride home that night it freaked my girlfriend out how consistent he was
you were caressing the jar of pickles then you looked down and whispered to them "I want you inside me"
Whatcha doing tonight? Reply TURNUP if you are drinking, or STOP to cancel messages
I am NOT pregnant
My barren womb can FUCK WHOEVER I want
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
Randomize
