i was so high last night that i actually googled "how to get un high"
if you ask that question again our friendship is over
So when does "going out for one drink" = giving some guy an HJ on the sidewalk?!?
Just saw the liqour store owner get into a mercedes, almost proud to be responsible for that
I THREW AWAY MY VIBRATOR BECAUSE IT INTIMIDATED HIM. WORST. DECISION. EVER
I just ate a dove chocolate and the wrapper said "chocolate: always your valentine" WHAT KIND OF JACKASS WRITES THESE AND WHY MUST THEY MOCK ME?
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
I feel like I have to sign a death waver before I have sex with him...
Most senic walk of shame ever. This is why you go to school in Hawaii.
The window painters skipped us. They didn't know what to do with the giant SMOKE WEED in the window. So they just skipped it.
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
My gut feeling that we had reached a new level of intimacy last night was confirmed early this morning when you sleep farted on penis.
It wasn't even dirty talking, it was more like the soothing gentle nonsense noises you make when you've spooked a horse.
idk how I feel so profoundly understood by someone whose latest tweet is "labia majora's mask." but I do.
my roommates are pretty pissed at me. they sent me out for ice and i came back with a kitten.
Currently eating a pop tart in my underwear waiting for the washer. Not one of my prouder moments.
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