I think getting shot is the thing to do in Brooklyn
I'm lit.While shaving my legs I pretended the razor was a tractor cutting down corn. Noises included.
He has been begging me for a Bj but doesnt want to get mono
How is he gunna get mono? is he gunna suck on his dick after you?
Apparently I was trying to convince him Springsteen has had buttsex. I ended the argument with "I bet he came from it too."
I'm still in shock that he came by my house for five minutes dropped off a Teddy bear and went to the strip club on valentines day
Hey did where's my bong?
In the tree out back .... Top branch on the right
Should I bother to ask?
Apparently it's ok to apply for building permits drunk. I feel like there definitely is a law preventing that.
You look me right in the eyes and yelled "By the power of the superglue beer sword, I designate you my driver!" I almost felt honored.
I had to explain to my dentist that my tooth was chipped because we designated my mouth as the official way to open beer. I feel like our level of partying is no longer socially acceptable.
I didn't punch him it was just love coming out of my fist
He licked my mouth. I felt like I was making out with my dog.
she wanted me to tie her up with my playstation charger cord. i kept on hoping she wasn't a squirter. those cords r expensive. could have def been a Sony commercial tho
I'm sorry I pissed in your bedroom and then woke you up when I tried to jump off the balcony
Did I turn a man straight...??
Yes!
Woke up this morning to him making out with me in his sleep, then I had to go on a scavenger hunt to find a used condom before my roommate got back... it was under my pillow.
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