Almost ran you over in the parking lot. You look good
There need to be more gay people on my afternoon soaps.
I just figured I'd let u know that you bought a yacht on ebay last night
The pick up line I used was "Grab my sack, you'll be back." Then I winked at her.
I didn't hate myself when I woke up today, that's improvement right?
So the guy who is making our IDs is in jail now for attempted murder, with no bail...
So no fakes?
We found Kyle. He was next door yelling at the elderly couple to let him continue his golf game. No more afternoon drinking for him.
Shits getting dirty between us in her dad's bedroom. I'm talking early millennium rap and r&b
I can't feel my clothes. I'm convinced I'm naked
Lesson learned the hard way. If it's a "no" on a dating site, it's also a no if you ever run into the person anyplace in public. It's a slap if you mention wanting to poke.
Some small part of me hopes I'm on the probationary list because of seeing the Dean at that fetish party.
Uhh I just had to break up with a guy who I didn't even know I was dating...
He called my vagina his wife... how is that NOT creepy?!
the bucket list is making me question my morals...and sexuality
Someone sitting next to me at this football game is totally eating chicken nuggets out of his pocket and drinking four loko. I wanna be him.
Randomize
