Writing a book: The Evolution of the Douche Bag: From Popped Collars to Ed Hardy Shirts. Doing research now.
Make sure you include chapters on white sunglasses, spray tans, and toxic amounts of hair gel.
you'd think with how big her nose is she'd have a better smelling pussy..
your suggestions for charades were, getting sucked into an aircraft turbine, getting raped by a dolphin, and having sex with a vacuum cleaner. you got your own, and actually used a vacuum cleaner as a prop.
Just accidentally pinched my dick between two 50 pound dumbbells while doing shoulder shrugs. God hates me.
3rd rule of buttsex she must be clean and shower recently
and skipped dinner
Woke up in an unfamiliar pair of underwear, running shoes but no socks, and a cowboy hat. Thank you crown royal
There's a baby in the strip club. I say again: THERE'S A BABY IN THE STRIP CLUB
I'm on the Coaster ride of shame, currently sitting across two nice old ladies smelling like condoms.
I rocked his world in the back of my car in an overly-lit, heavily trafficked parking lot. Middle age is amazing!
a girl walked up to me and asked if you were my brother. she shook her head and said 'im so sorry' when i said yes. what did you fucking do????????
Nothing says "Jesus has forgiven your sins" like finding out you're not pregnant on Easter.
I just brought her a lipstick taser. So just remember that the next time you get smart with her
Its 7am I'm awake still drunk, there is food, random clothing and road cone in my room. I can't decide if this is a failure or a success???
I woke up to him crying and pouring pixy stix in my mouth saying they would bring me back to life.
just played fuck the dealer and thunderstruck with my physics ta. he is the third ta that i have drank with this semester, i think i'm getting good at college
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