Did yall have sex?
Well we both woke up naked and there was a condom wrapper on the floor, but I don't remember so does that count?
Def not... that's how I managed to keep my number under 10 for all of college- If you don't remember, it didn't happen
my grandma just put on bowling shoes, to play wii bowling.
Most of the time people just stick whatever they want in my mouth. Thanks for letting me decide this time
with your flexibility, and the size of my penis, amazing things are possible.
Now he's lighting his socks on fire
I think he just gave me the 'I used to sleep with your sister' discount
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
Dating Detox Day 5: had to go out and buy new batteries. this may be harder than I thought
I could not actually bring myself to utter the phrase "donkey cock" in front of my father. Not possible.
The length of my leg hair is a constant reminder of how long it's been since I even thought I had a chance of getting laid.
How drunk is she?
She's trying to French braid the dogs hair, there's no stopping her
I'm a professor! I can't be caught chasing the liquor with you hooligans once the undergrads have seen my face
I left myself a note saying 'buy a hamster but not an orange one like this pen'
omg so drunk
Paycheck hits in 37 minutes and I literally just emptied my handle of Tito's. If that isn't budgeting like a fucking adult, I don't know what is.
In the past year, I've fucked 3 Dave's and you've fucked 2 Dave's. That's a lot of Dave's in our vaginas.
We need to start a soap opera called the Dave's of Our Lives.
Randomize
