he just said he was sorry he wasnt been able to come by more often coz things are really crazy with that girl
you mean his girlfriend
Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
dude, the building's fire alarm was going off for over an hour last night and you didn't move
that's ok, when I'm passed out drunk I'm impervious to flame
I didn't think her British accent was real until I saw how fucked up her teeth were.
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I knew it was gonna be weird when she opened the condom with scissors
i will trade you pizza and a blowjob for a fifth of vodka.
do i get to eat the pizza while you give me the blowjob?
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
Yep and i guess after he came back from that he sat down next to me and i just put my hand right on his penis just casually like it was his leg
You don't put off sexcapades. Life lesson #1.
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He was rocking just a diaper, shoes, and a gun. Sadly, I would still hit it.
Then he kissed my hand sensually and said "you're a Black Queen. Don't let anyone tell you different."
You know what else? He didn't even get to see my butt. And my butt is really cute. Car sex is awful.
Noted. Next time you want to get fried chicken and cocaine.
Ok. That just sounds baller.
Remember that St. Patrick's Day when I fucked your married coworker in his truck and the whole bar was chanting for you "Don't fuck Mike"?! #TheLuckOfTheIrish 🍀
He made me ask permission to to cum and it made me cum.
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