man, i hate rosetta stone. i wanted to impress this girl with italian last night but all i could say were things like "a blue airplane" and "he is wearing a white shirt"
when i asked what day 420 fell on this year, she answered so quickly i knew i found my soulmate.
apparently when the FedEx truck drove by, we tried to chase it down thinking they were delievering a 30 pack...great night.
Going to rent a magician for when I eat shrooms. How has no one thought of this?
Just found a g string in our driveway, wtf happened this weekend?
Also, any YOLOwl-related sex photos will result in you winning ten orgasms, courtesy of myself, as well as sweets and bacon-based dinner. All entrants welcome
They were scared I was going to get lost last night so they dressed me up as Waldo so someone would always find me.
I cannot believe this. A potential 2016 Olympiad wants my vag. To which I respond "GO FOR THE GOLD"
you have to be that girl in the audience holding up the sign that says i fucked the shit out of you
She literally just changed his birthday. Overly attached girlfriend has nothing on her.
Woke up in time for my 8:15
Good for you I'm impressed
I realized 10 minutes in it was a class from last semester
We dated for a month and a half. he didn't like blow jobs. I honestly don't think he was human.
THEYRE FUCKING GOLD
Are you talking about the color of my tits or the quality of my nudes cause both are
And somehow i feel like your expectations will turn out to be illegal in some way.
Nothing says "sober up, you whore" quite like an early morning PAP smear.
You texted me a picture of some random naked guy. Did you lose your virginity?
Randomize
