Someone shit on the floor
he said i was chugging vodka in the parking lot, gave my # to a married man, started a food fight, and passed out at the bar. how could he NOT consider that a good first date???
i was trying to wake him up so i just kept touching his dick
Going to get yelled at but I labeled the reel "four dried up sluts decide going to the middle east to shop during a war is the best idea ever"
she spent the whole night flailing her arms because "primates are the only species who can move their arms like that and we shouldn't waste it"
Woke up handcuffed to a half gallon of beam. Yep. This is my life.
I told him that his face would look perfect between my legs. One of my most successful strategies yet.
I dont think getting to 3rd base with a girl you barely know is the type of memory they had in mind when they named the park "memorial park"
He took getting"shit in your neighbors hot tub drunk" way to literally
Ew. After that you just pretty much proved that your vagina is the reason why my vagina needs two toilet seat covers when peeing in public restrooms
I'm wearing a dinosaur hat bikini cone bra over my shirt. So good things are happening
Hooked up with an ex Playgirl model. I feel like the universe just high-fived me for staying sober.
he doesn't sweat normal. maybe that's what THC smells like coming through the sweat glands...
WHAT IF I SAT OUTSIDE AND STARTED SCREAMING THE LYRICS TO O CANADA WOULD THAT FIX IT
PLEASE DON'T
I know how vodka works Grace. I'm drunk, not stupid.
Randomize
