hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I just talked to a CEO of a fortune 500 company while pooping. I LOVE being self employed.
something about eating while taking a crap just doesn't seem safe to me.
just woke up to overhearing her on the phone saying "yeah we fucked last night, that makes 42." should i get tested?
well i fucked her too, so yes.
they just tried to tell me they weren't big into drugs. A) it was the 70's. B) I've seen the pictures.
I was wondering where I've seen this kid then I remembered I saw him doing lines of blow of his gf's leg while she was sleeping last week.
My mother walked into the bathroom at 345 am while I was splashing in the bathtub with the remnants of her birthday cake all over me... she looked at me and walked out...
I ate 12 cupcakes in less than 24 hours, so no judgement here.
Just rolled up a joint with a cop standing right beside me. He just told us to not leave behind any garbage or empties. God I love canadian camping
Sure. But we have to be quiet.
Ninja mode activated
she keeps dunkaroos and gatorade in her bed. yep pretty sure im in love.
he brings me coffee and gets a blow job. not sure if I trained him or he trained me or it's simply mutually beneficial beautiful.
I woke up at 2 AM to find them in my living room with a radio flyer wagon full of milk glass plates and a Holstein cow. How am I going to explain this to my landlord!?!
Apparently I'm some kind of sexual camel.
Are we planning this because I am online looking for places with a Mechanical bull
Randomize
