I've been thinking and really it's a miracle I haven't had an STD yet.
For once I'm glad there wasn't morning sex. Yes, that sore from the night before.
Just learned how to deliver a baby.the things i saw tonight can never be unseen
It's just like riding a horse. A very tall, gay horse.
he puked in my glove box, looked up at me and said "There's not much to say"
If you ever get the opportunity, make fun of how small his dick is for me
Standing in my kitchen eating choc chip cookie batter from the bowl. As sad as it is, I kinda like the places bad breakups take me.
While running home from the bar in high heels I multi- tasked and sexted with Brent. Jesus.
Thank god I work in a lab. This pinkeye is out of control and my safety glasses are the only thing stopping me from digging at my eye with a pen
Woke up in a cemetery. Puked in front a funeral ceremony that was going on.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
A condom just fell out of me. Happy Tuesday.
The wine is franzia the food is cheese puffs there is a canoe full of beer and the andre glasses are mason jars glued to candle sticks. i shit you not. Best. Wedding. Ever.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
I had to remind him last night as he had his arm around me, "We hook up, we don't cuddle!"
Randomize
