Am I the only person who thinks Megan Fox looks totally like a Thai lady boy with a serious tanning bed fix?
My new years resolution is to be alive new years morning
Now i know why people get high. I sat in the same chair for about 3 hours and the only thing i worried about was how far away my chinese food was.
as we were stuffing their 24 of beer into our bags you kept saying you wanted cheese strings. closest things we found were kraft singles. as the guys came up the stairs you kept screaming 'GET THE CHEESE! GET THE CHEESE!'
You just kept taking about baking cornbread and doing your physics. Even drunk assed random you is a better student than me.
And on the subject of embracing my inner whore, I had two different dicks in my mouth yesterday. Friend, it's official. I'm completely outta control.
How dare you. Idk what you called me, and neither does google translate, but you better take it back.
I'm the fucking queen of sexting. I just made a blowjob sound so poetic I'm wishing I were a guy just so I could blow me. Learn from me.
He was the only guy who ever made me cry..
Who, the park ranger who made you dump out your beer on the beach?
We're getting paid a considerable amount of money to send each other pictures of our dicks...
Got back to find Sarah in her underwear eating peanut butter and watching Arrested Development with the thermostat at eighty.
Drunk texting is the poetry of my life
Plus i lost a button on my shirt and we got free drinks all night. Sorry I'm not sorry.
The comfort of this onesie is keeping me single
She's asleep in a fisher-price toy car
Randomize
