I just got cash back from buying a pregnancy test so that I can buy a case of joose. My life is in shambles.
The last thing I remember is him grabbing my ass and telling me he knew where the jello shots were, so I followed him.
She came back in her actual cheerleader uniform. Made a bad bj tolerable.
We're sitting in his room writing songs about America. There's a verse about a dead dog. There's tequila everywhere.
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You said you were going to take the sideview mirror to your own car so that nobody would steal it. Thats why you woke up with it.
Walking down the street at 11 pm dressed in bubble wrap. Why is the bar so fucking far away??
Taking a semester off always leads to bad things like having a baby or getting married
He told me I was 100% better then porn then passed out nto the cake
Can I bring some rope too? It's not too early for bondage talk, is it?
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Just watched a girl fall down the stair and be to drunk to get up. The only stair in the bar. It's like watching a turtle on it's back.
All I want to do is sleep. And If I'm not sleeping, I want to be eating or fucking. I'm pretty sure being pregnant has turned me into a dude.
Come get your boy. He's cuddling with a bag of rice on the floor.
When the theology professor asked me what touched me most about this trip to Rome, I guess "the guy from last night" wasn't the proper response.
if he becomes president of the united states, I will tell EVERYONE that i took his virginity.
I WANT GRASS AND TREES NOT SOMEONE SWINGING A SWORD AROUND
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