Let's go to weight watchers and eat in front of them.
he said i was the most charming throwing up drunk person hes ever taken care of. so of course i had sex with him.
he put a lighter in my cleavage and said "you're like another pocket!"
The only thing the cop asked me is..... "how are you still alive"?
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
i found him! he's on the front porch using a bag of potting soil as a pillow. i forgot i left him there.
all my mom knows is what I put on facebook. So... I mean... She knows we drink a lot.
The 3 year old I'm babysitting is the first guy to tell me he loves me sober in like 2 years
I know I've wanted to fuck him for the past month, but when you're that hungover, the only chemistry you have is with a pillow and a gallon of water.
He had Homeward Bound on VHS how was I supposed to not fuck him
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
He sent me a dick pic, and it had smeared lipstick on it. So I sent him the pic of my tit with the hickey ring your brother gave me.
Celebrated Veteran's Day by getting a Marine (who just got back from deployment in the middle east) drunk and laid for the first time in 6 months. #Murica
I need my sock, sombrero, maracas, and I just heard I had a light saber, if thats the case...i want that back too
Sometimes being bisexual is a curse. Turns out I banged both of her older twin brothers last summer.
A guy who takes a plate of chicken tenders away from us is not to be trusted or slept with
he put a condom on for a handjob WTF
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