Things I find upon waking: a gay man, a straight girl both clad in web bathing suits, a full bathtub, an empyt bottle of jamesons at the bottom and a scuba mask
How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
no, its his 'welcome back from rehab' party.
My insides feel lik shag carpet. It is awesome
The girl behind me at the dollar store said couldn't wait to get her permit, then requested a pregnancy test. God I love being home.
she was dressed as a doctor claiming that after she was done i would have a "permaboner"
Drunk. Just jacked off for the third time in an hour. I love not being Catholic anymore.
I'm not going to fuck him in his Honda Fit. That's gay.
He gets a blow job and all I get is a huge scar on my arm ... how is this fair?
You working tonight?
Keg. Hottub. Wearimnh a 8th graders bikini. Mess
It's christmas eve and my mom blacked out before me. If she beat me at that, what have I been learning at college?
Why is there a cash register on top of my car?
My parents are paying for my knee surgery for my birthday. What costume will look good on crutches for my Halloween Birthday?
Welcome to adulthood.
I smell like a mix of alcohol, sweat, and sex and its only 10 AM
Whats a little breast milk between friends?
Randomize
