Do you reaalllllly want to put "porn editor" on your resume?
she said she missed her period, but is going to six flags... think im safe?
Why do guys in porn never have boxers on?
better question: why do you always text me when you're watching porn
I'm so cold I just used my boobs to keep my face warm
Maybe you should go over there and lead him on and reach down his pants like he's about to get some and yank his balls.
That's the best idea I've heard all day.
It's not mothers day until you're vomitting syrup into grandma's toilet. Cherish the holidays
I wish there was a lawn mower version of Roomba so I could just drink and cheer it on from the stoop.
Jon thought he was that blonde chick from Three's Company when he was shrooming
Remember that time we were in the handicap bathroom snorting Molly at the stripclub. That was a defining moment in our friendship
At some point I'd like to figure out how the weird kid from sociology ended up on my couch naked hugging what appears to be some sort of clothing....seriously it's creeping me out
note to self: shower sex when you have 7 stitches in your leg is never a good idea. never.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
WHO THE FUCK PEED IN MY BONG
Woah don't start going all boyfriend on me now, you're here for one thing and one thing only and that's sex, hot shameless sex.
Only true party girls take their birth control with Smirnoff.
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