you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
She actually said during sex "the only thing that would make this more perfect is if we were listening to Lenny Kravitz"
So, obviously, you had to give a fake number this morning.
Yes. Also, we may never be able to go back to that bar again.
Just fucked my roommate on the first night of our 12 month lease. 2010 will be awkward.
Dave a horae rider a coqw boy
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
Michelle asked what I was wearing tonight. I responded with a g-string and plastic wrap. I've gotten no response since.
I'm assuming the reason my elbow is so sore has something to do with all the broken shot glasses eh?
Yep
WHY IS FOOD SO DELICIOUS
BECAUSE SCIENCE
him crossdressing on the weekends is awkward but not a deal breaker for me.
I woke up to some strange woman rubbing peanut butter on my thighs
I have never encountered a chode in the wild
We walked around last night for hours saying nothing but nom nom nom and barking at each other.
I bought two pregnancy tests and a cosmopolitan magazine at 4am... I told the cashier "dont judge me, ur not God"
tell him if he brings over dinner you might let him see your left boob...or right, whichever you prefer. But under no circumstances do you let him see both...unless he brings a good desert...like coffee ice cream or something
I've been on the cocaine and semen diet for the last 24 hours, lunch sounds great.
Randomize
