She tried to have sex with him but he quote unquote respected her
Apparently I think casual Friday means I can show up unshaven in yesterday's clothes and reeking of booze.
if I end up fighting someone to save $15 on a toaster oven then something went wrong earlier in life
Not really fighting over the same girl. He takes her out to dinner and then I come over and fuck her. We've worked out the perfect relationship.
i just remembered i chipped my tooth last night when i pulled up your pants zipper with my teeth
I wish I could go about my daily activities with his dick inside me
Fuck I am starving. I don't think I've eaten in the past two days.
You didnt need to. Gin is like eggs, its a perfectly nutrionally balanced meal.
I legitimately forgot how to blow my nose just now. Sleep might be handy.
Seriously though, you almost tore my right nipple off.
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I hear sloppy seconds go great with fried rice
by the way whatever wisdom you imparted upon me last night was lost to whatever i smoked out of a beer can.
In two unrelated events today I have had frostbite on my toe and cum up my nose. Who says life stops when you get married?
Congratulations! You can now legally do that thing you said you never do again!
THANKS! I'M SO EXCITED TO NOT DO THE THING
OMG YOU GO OUT AND NOT DO THAT THING, GIRL! I SUPPORT YOU 100%!!!
She asked what the dent on the hood of my car was from..i think she knows we had sex up there
Randomize
