the cashier at riteaid just made the sign of the cross before he rang up my pregnancy test. now i know god is on my side
i told the bartender last night that if the palace saloon made a calendar he would be every month.
I put cups full of chips next to every bed, couch, and toilet so that everyone could have a snack when they woke up....
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
and then he proceeded to take what he called, a whip cream shower.
So I managed to get the bitch who has been copying off me all semester in History to copy the names of Pokemon towns off my test.
he asked me to lick his asshole and I told him his girlfriend could do that for him
Was it fun? The night started with home made Jager and ended in him falling out of a tree with a pocket full of house numbers...you tell me.
I choose McDonald's breakfast at 1:28am over sex anytime
At Walgreens. I'm getting condoms and a bottle of water so that I'm not "just getting condoms". I don't think I'm fooling anyone though.
On the food pyramid big dick are "sometimes foods"
I'm worried about how taking care of my mom's dog while being on acid will go.
90% sure I just opened a snapchat of you in a fuzzy bathrobe next to your ceiling collapsing
I’m pregaming Christmas shopping with grandma. What’s up?
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
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