Is it bad that my booty call's snoring was more interesting than the sex we had last night?
Dear everyone that texted me last night wondering where i was. i ended up face down blacked up drunk before i made it to the party. My bad
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
season finale of lost and an oz of weed. tonight my mind is going to be blown.
So i wrote 'don't sex me' on my stomach, so that if we got to a point where my shirt is off - he would know how i really feel, not just the alcohol talking
how did that work out?
Well, all the water washed it off, so we ended up fucking since i didn't have my reminder...
TO ALL WHO WERE IN MY HOUSE LAST NIGHT: WHOEVER STOLE MY BONG AND PUT IT ON THE ROOF WILL BE PAYING MY HOSPITAL BILL FROM LAST NIGHT.. AND BUYING ME A NEW, SWEETER BONG.
We have six bottles of wine and we are at target buying baby oil to grease up the sleds with, just in case you're interested.
Guys, Black Friday does not exist in the world of dealing. Stop texting me asking what my deals are.
Koalas always seemed like really high little puppy kittens to me.
you're usually drunk when you offer. there's one time you called me, told me not to dye my hair red, and asked if i wanted to see your tits.
Its a cash in stratch tickets to afford cigarettes and coffee kind of friday
Just licked cheese from my hot pocket off my phone. I spilled because I was eating a Popsicle at the same time. Send an adult please
Just got referred to as "the girl from Tuesday night" at the Taco Bell drive thru...what happened on my birthday?!
should we try and roll a cross joint since its good friday? you know, for jesus
When you sleep in the bathroom, you're no longer a guest.
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