Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
if all i could do was poop and smoke weed, i'd be eternally happy
amen to that sister
I just found your credit card inside the bag of chips
i had a dream last night that my liver tore its self out of my body and ran away.
either my laughing turned him on, or he wanted to shut me up. either way, i dont care. it was amazing.
We got them high and they had an hour long debate on the best way to get cum out of eyes.
you better fuck at least one or both of them.
you came home soaking wet, and when I asked where your umbrella was, you pulled it out of your bag and were so proud you kept it dry.
they named it eva bongoria. i had to hit it based on the name alone.
It's ok, I like adventure. Just ask my vagina.
I decided staying home, watching porn and masterbating was a much better choice than the gym. And I was right.
He just texted me saying "you've got a face that suggests you give really good head". Is this a compliment? Do I say thanks?
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
My neighbour just came round to ask why we posted a spatula through his door at 3am. What do I tell him??
The awkward moment when you're leaving the most attractive guy you've ever been with and you're trying not to shit on yourself. Fucking welcome to my life
Put the lady boner away. He's engaged. To my brother. No, life is not fair.
Randomize
