gonna sleep on the stairs... to drunk to keep going up, way to drunk to go down, gonna find a comfy spot right here... its safer that way
She must have been at ribfest tonight because my dick smells like barbeque sauce
its fine. mom just made me chug a long island. and made a crying face when i balked. we'll talk tomorrow.
She fuckin peed on me
Stay golden ponyboy
The last thing I remember was doing a line in the shape of Texas
Its summer. Time to get to the freshmen before the weight does.
My new roommate just announced that she got her period, popped a percoset, smoked a bowl, and started playing a video game. She says she's not moving till it's over. New hero?
Ok let me just clear up this blowjob thing first so we can talk about your grandpa
I swear you won't find cereal in your washer machine again.
Wife and kids came home early...naked passed out covered in chili cheese Fritos dad will haunt them forever.
Can we smoke pot out of a menorah?
Desperate times call for desperate measures. But he promised me no small talk so that was nice
Ever had one of those went so hard last night you woke up at the foot of the bed naked wondering where your phone ended up?
thanks for passing me through your vagina 20 years ago today. your the best
Now the fun stuff starts.
Someone is losing a finger.
Randomize
