I look better un-naked...
I literally made his dick bleed. How the fuck do you think it went?
and i looked up. we had an audience...
It's 4th of July all over again, we were chasing with the pool water.
Last night: Repeatedly yelled about how the fishbowl tasted like blue, stole a stranger's hat, hugged the DJ for playing my request, made out with my roommate, and abandoned the guy I dragged to the club in the first place
This morning: Hat doesn't fit, hangover headache is blue, and I can't move without getting lightheaded
Listen when they tell you not to drink after giving blood
Got my bloodwork back and my liver is in tip top shape. Apparently blacking out 5 nights a week isn't cutting it, so we've got to step it up until I see that all of my hard work is actually paying off and doing some damage.
Is it possible to just pretend that everything we did after grilling up your goldfish didn't happen?
So another one of your girlfriends from middle school had a baby. Thank god you are gay, otherwise you would definitely be a dad by now.
I woke up naked on my couch playing a video game I thought I had dreamed about... oh yeah, and someone cut my hair.
This was the first time I've ever pushed myself until I vomited. Sorry, random couple laying on a dock at 8:30am. I would have picked a better spot so you didn't have to watch/listen to me vomit, but you guys were being MAD quiet. I had no idea you were there.
Explaining that I bought them at a strip club gift shop with my friend didnt make the furry handcuffs seem less weird
He fed me jello shota while i was sitting on the toilet and then he peed in the shower
Did I tell you that I told him I deleted his dick pics and he almost started crying?
Why did I wake up covered in glitter next to a half eaten cheeseburger?
I think she lost me at about the point where the words “Ice Cream Enema” were spoken.
Randomize
